Why your boyfriend should never give you a massage

Your boyfriend my think he’s one of the best as giving massages as he’s kindly rubbing the back of your legs, but unfortunately for you, it’s probably one of the worst massages you’ve ever had. After a hard workout, your tired and aching muscles want relief from the tightness and pain. They are crying out […]

Health Brian Webb

Massage oil

Your boyfriend my think he’s one of the best as giving massages as he’s kindly rubbing the back of your legs, but unfortunately for you, it’s probably one of the worst massages you’ve ever had. After a hard workout, your tired and aching muscles want relief from the tightness and pain. They are crying out for more than just a casual rub down. What you really want is a deep tissue massage.

Even if you’ve accepted that you’re boyfriend is not that great at giving massages, or that he’ll fix your aches and pains, you let him rub you down. It’s never an enjoyable or relaxing experience, he either uses too much or too little pressure, and frequently passes over the places that you know really need worked on. Even if you do end up feeling relaxed, you always end up having to reciprocate the favour.

Besides the terrible massage you’ve just received, it turns out that your boyfriend has dripped massage oil all over your 300 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, which if it’s not treated and taken care of immediately, can leave permanent stains. Yikes! It just keeps getting from bad to worse with every moment that passes.

As if that wasn’t enough, you know the seemingly innocent massage is going to end up with the wrong kind of release. As your boyfriend massages you, his hands go from working on your back, shoulders and legs, into other areas which starts to feel like fondling and foreplay. Not exactly what your signed up for after a hard training session. His alleged amazing massages are a far cry from the therapeutic massage you really wanted and needed.

After a hard training session, if your sore, tight muscles aren’t being addressed, it’s time to let your boyfriend know that you’ll be going somewhere else for your massages for now on. No, it’s not like you are cheating on him with someone else, or that you don’t appreciate his good intentions, but you really do need the help of professional hands to get that kink out of your neck or knot out of your shoulder.

The days of Rub and Tug massage parlors are a way of the past, and todays massage therapists are trained professionals who go through thousands of hours of schooling at accredited institutions, passing rigorous written and practical exams.

Unlike your boyfriend, a trained massage therapist can help relieve your muscles from everything from sports injuries and headaches, to jaw pain, complications from car accidents, to complicated health conditions. Massage therapy can even help the average person feel their best with a full body massage which can increase circulation and reduce stress, leaving you feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. More importantly, a massage therapist won’t get tired or distracted two minutes into your massage, unlike your boyfriend.

To get the full benefit of your workouts and overall health, it’s time to start seeing a massage therapist on a regular basis.

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2 thoughts on “Why your boyfriend should never give you a massage

  1. Jason

    I wish you had stated at the beginning that this is an advertisement for a massage therapist rather than an objective article. It became clear early on that it wasn’t objective, but I didn’t realize the agenda until near the end. Many people are able to give wonderful and helpful massages to their partners, and a lot of us are thoughtful enough to prepare and NOT ruin the sheets in the process. That doesn’t mean they still wouldn’t want to visit a professional massage therapist as well, but it’s silly to tell people simply to never let their boyfriend (or girlfriend) give them a massage again.

    Reply
    1. Brian Webb Post author

      Hey Jason, thanks for the feedback. You’re totally right, some boyfriends give great massages… but let’s be honest, most suck at it! I know first hand because I go to the gym and marathon train at a regular basis, and I’ve experienced the worst massages from guys who proclaim to give the most fabulous massages. Not the case! I go to a few different massage therapists, depending on the kind of treatment I need. I go to one massage therapist exclusively for marathon related injuries, so I can either get back to training or to recover faster post race. I see Molly, noted above, when I’m tense from the gym and need muscle release, to increase my range of motion. Then I go to another massage therapist for general aches, pains, and wellness.

      Also, this is not a paid ad. Molly, or Form Body Lab did not pay for this blog post. This was a blog post that Molly and I worked on together. We actually came up with it during one of my recent treatments. She has a wonderful sense of humour and we enjoy bantering back and forth.

      Again, appreciate your comment and I hope you had an awesome weekend!

      Cheers!

      Brian
      Owner and Editor in Chief
      Homoculture.ca

      Reply

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